Kelso’s Choice for Conflict Management
If your child is in grades KG-3, you may have heard them talk about “Kelso’s Choice,” or if they are in grades 4-5 you may have heard about “KC’s Choice.” This model is taught in all classes as a means for teaching conflict resolution skills aimed at building a community of peacemakers. Centered on Kelso the Frog and his wheel of nine choices, or KC for older students, the lessons teach students how to identify manageable conflicts (small or minor problems) and apply skills to solve them.
With this approach we believe that all kids can manage the “small” or “minor” problems on their own by applying at least two of the nine strategies. A small problem is identified as one that makes a child feel a little mad or a little sad. “Big” or “serious” problems include anytime that a student feels scared or threatened, there is danger involved, or someone is breaking a rule. In this case students learn they should always tell an adult they trust. This is not tattling, it is keeping safe and getting the help they need. For the small problems we tell them that they are smart enough and strong enough to solve it on their own. If they have tried two or more choices and the problem still continues, telling an adult is the next step in solving an ongoing problem.
The strategies on Kelso’s wheel include (in no particular order - students can select skills based on the situation, personality and preference): 1) walk away, 2) ignore it, 3) talk it out, 4) go to another game, 5) make a deal, 6) apologize, 7) wait and cool off, 8) tell them to stop, and 9) share and take turns. KC’s wheel includes all but the last as most 4th graders have learned to share and take turns, and it divides the skills into verbal and nonverbal skills.
In the classrooms we practice applying these skills to real-life scenarios using role-play and discussion. They identify which strategies would work for which situations. They come up with ideas, for example, on how one could “make a deal” – such as flipping a coin, guessing a number between 1 and 10, using the rock/paper/scissors game, or agreeing to a compromise. When children come to talk with me about a conflict we discuss what choices they have tried and what other ideas they might use.
The goal is to increase student confidence in their own ability to solve problems. Of course, attention must also be given to creating a culture of respect, caring and tolerance of differences. Thus, Kelso’s Choice is only one of the guidance curriculum lessons and approaches offered at ASB. For it to be the most effective, we must all work together in reminding our kids that they are “smart enough and strong enough to solve small problems themselves.”
So, the next time your child is telling you about a problem, resist the urge to offer your own solution and instead send them the message that you believe they are capable of solving it on their own. First, listen empathetically, then, say something like “it sounds like you were feeling mad – I wonder how you will solve it?” If they can’t come up with an idea, you might say “well, some kids might try (insert one of the choices) – how do you think that would work?” Encourage them to brainstorm several ideas, then, tell them “I look forward to hearing how it works out for you!”
For more information on how to implement Kelso’s Choice in the home, visit the Kelso's Choice Parent Page.
Cindy Cleary
Elementary School Counselor
American School of Bombay
With this approach we believe that all kids can manage the “small” or “minor” problems on their own by applying at least two of the nine strategies. A small problem is identified as one that makes a child feel a little mad or a little sad. “Big” or “serious” problems include anytime that a student feels scared or threatened, there is danger involved, or someone is breaking a rule. In this case students learn they should always tell an adult they trust. This is not tattling, it is keeping safe and getting the help they need. For the small problems we tell them that they are smart enough and strong enough to solve it on their own. If they have tried two or more choices and the problem still continues, telling an adult is the next step in solving an ongoing problem.
The strategies on Kelso’s wheel include (in no particular order - students can select skills based on the situation, personality and preference): 1) walk away, 2) ignore it, 3) talk it out, 4) go to another game, 5) make a deal, 6) apologize, 7) wait and cool off, 8) tell them to stop, and 9) share and take turns. KC’s wheel includes all but the last as most 4th graders have learned to share and take turns, and it divides the skills into verbal and nonverbal skills.
In the classrooms we practice applying these skills to real-life scenarios using role-play and discussion. They identify which strategies would work for which situations. They come up with ideas, for example, on how one could “make a deal” – such as flipping a coin, guessing a number between 1 and 10, using the rock/paper/scissors game, or agreeing to a compromise. When children come to talk with me about a conflict we discuss what choices they have tried and what other ideas they might use.
The goal is to increase student confidence in their own ability to solve problems. Of course, attention must also be given to creating a culture of respect, caring and tolerance of differences. Thus, Kelso’s Choice is only one of the guidance curriculum lessons and approaches offered at ASB. For it to be the most effective, we must all work together in reminding our kids that they are “smart enough and strong enough to solve small problems themselves.”
So, the next time your child is telling you about a problem, resist the urge to offer your own solution and instead send them the message that you believe they are capable of solving it on their own. First, listen empathetically, then, say something like “it sounds like you were feeling mad – I wonder how you will solve it?” If they can’t come up with an idea, you might say “well, some kids might try (insert one of the choices) – how do you think that would work?” Encourage them to brainstorm several ideas, then, tell them “I look forward to hearing how it works out for you!”
For more information on how to implement Kelso’s Choice in the home, visit the Kelso's Choice Parent Page.
Cindy Cleary
Elementary School Counselor
American School of Bombay