Coping with Change – The Journey of Transition
ASB is a mix of world citizens – both students and teachers – and thus we travel, move and go through change regularly. Every year a large percentage of students and teachers leave the school and a number of new students and teachers enter.
This amount of transition makes it important for students, teachers and parents to understand the effects and how best to cope with multicultural transitions. Change is a process with normal stages that all people go through and there are strategies and understandings to manage it effectively.
The cycle of transition includes 4 stages: Settled/Involved, Leaving, Transition, and Entering. These stages affect those who are leaving and those who are staying behind when others leave. The settled stage is when things are normal and everyone feels at home. The leaving stage happens as soon as someone finds out they will be moving or that a friend is moving - they start loosening ties and preparing mentally for the change. The transition stage is that travel time in between leaving one home and arriving at the new home – a time of chaos and ambiguity. The entering stage is the time when you are new to a place – a time of uncertainty as you search for friends and seek a new stability.
Those who are leaving often go through fluctuating emotions that range from reluctance to leave to anxious to be gone to excitement for the new stage. They can flip flop between these extremes multiple times or feel a confusing mix of emotions all at one time. Knowing that this is normal is helpful for them and for those around them. During the entering stage it’s particularly important to understand that feeling sad, even depressed, is normal and may last for 4-6 months before feeling settled in again.
The blues that hit during the entering stage come from everything being so strange and different, as well as from sadness over obvious and hidden losses. There is so much to gain from living as global nomads, but it’s important to acknowledge the inherent losses as well. Researchers of Third Culture Kids (children who grow up in a different culture than their parents’ culture) say that these children go through more loss by the age of 18 than most people go through in their entire lives. Our long-term students are impacted as well because they experience the classmates and teachers who come and go every year.
Talking about the losses and allowing time for grief is critical. As parents we sometimes feel that we need to point out the positive and help our children move forward to accept the changes. But it’s often more effective to simply listen and encourage them to share what makes them sad about leaving or having friends leave. Let them feel this pain fully and they will naturally move forward, in their own time, but with less unresolved grief over the loss.
This amount of transition makes it important for students, teachers and parents to understand the effects and how best to cope with multicultural transitions. Change is a process with normal stages that all people go through and there are strategies and understandings to manage it effectively.
The cycle of transition includes 4 stages: Settled/Involved, Leaving, Transition, and Entering. These stages affect those who are leaving and those who are staying behind when others leave. The settled stage is when things are normal and everyone feels at home. The leaving stage happens as soon as someone finds out they will be moving or that a friend is moving - they start loosening ties and preparing mentally for the change. The transition stage is that travel time in between leaving one home and arriving at the new home – a time of chaos and ambiguity. The entering stage is the time when you are new to a place – a time of uncertainty as you search for friends and seek a new stability.
Those who are leaving often go through fluctuating emotions that range from reluctance to leave to anxious to be gone to excitement for the new stage. They can flip flop between these extremes multiple times or feel a confusing mix of emotions all at one time. Knowing that this is normal is helpful for them and for those around them. During the entering stage it’s particularly important to understand that feeling sad, even depressed, is normal and may last for 4-6 months before feeling settled in again.
The blues that hit during the entering stage come from everything being so strange and different, as well as from sadness over obvious and hidden losses. There is so much to gain from living as global nomads, but it’s important to acknowledge the inherent losses as well. Researchers of Third Culture Kids (children who grow up in a different culture than their parents’ culture) say that these children go through more loss by the age of 18 than most people go through in their entire lives. Our long-term students are impacted as well because they experience the classmates and teachers who come and go every year.
Talking about the losses and allowing time for grief is critical. As parents we sometimes feel that we need to point out the positive and help our children move forward to accept the changes. But it’s often more effective to simply listen and encourage them to share what makes them sad about leaving or having friends leave. Let them feel this pain fully and they will naturally move forward, in their own time, but with less unresolved grief over the loss.
Leaving well and staying well is another critical way to cope and encourage a healthy transition with less emotional intensity later. The acronym RAFT stands for Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewell, and Think Next Steps. We teach students that it’s important to resolve any disputes or clear up any misunderstandings with people before they leave or before a friend or teacher leaves. Even if they plan to never see this person again, this process frees up emotional energy so that they are prepared to manage the intensity of entering a new place and/or forming new relationships with friends and teachers. It’s also important to affirm or say thank you to those who have supported you, to say goodbye properly and to research your next phase/place.
Even for the students who are entering the next grade level here at ASB, it’s important to close out the year well in order to start with a clean slate for next year. We encourage them to think about goals for the new school year and how they want to prepare themselves for meeting new challenges.
Finally, part of affirming and saying goodbye well is to celebrate! We have numerous end-of-year parties, events and shows so that we may honor all that we have accomplished during the year, in this phase and with these people. Though it is sad, I look forward to attending end-of-year parties and celebrations to close this year well and help students prepare for their new year!
If you''d like to better understand and support you and your child's lifestyle of multicultural transitions read my article about Third Culture Kids and check out the websites listed under Links to Resources. For a great picture book targeted at Third Culture Kids moving to their next country, check out Sammy's Next Move by Helen Maffini.
Cindy Cleary
Elementary School Counselor
American School of Bombay
Even for the students who are entering the next grade level here at ASB, it’s important to close out the year well in order to start with a clean slate for next year. We encourage them to think about goals for the new school year and how they want to prepare themselves for meeting new challenges.
Finally, part of affirming and saying goodbye well is to celebrate! We have numerous end-of-year parties, events and shows so that we may honor all that we have accomplished during the year, in this phase and with these people. Though it is sad, I look forward to attending end-of-year parties and celebrations to close this year well and help students prepare for their new year!
If you''d like to better understand and support you and your child's lifestyle of multicultural transitions read my article about Third Culture Kids and check out the websites listed under Links to Resources. For a great picture book targeted at Third Culture Kids moving to their next country, check out Sammy's Next Move by Helen Maffini.
Cindy Cleary
Elementary School Counselor
American School of Bombay