Talking to Children about disturbing Events in the News
Terrorist attacks, school shootings and other violent or concerning events around the world can create a tense situation for families living abroad and at home. The following information is a guide for parents on how to reduce stress and fear for children during times of uncertainty. Living in India we know that there is the potential for political situations to arise and for expatriates to feel threatened.
The following are tips for how to support your children when there is a particular threat/event that impacts the ASB community or if they are reacting with anxiety about possible threats due to global events.
Start the conversation. If a particular event hits near home or is very rampant in the news, talk about it with your child, but only in language and details appropriate to their age. Not talking about it can make the situation more threatening in your child’s mind. Silence suggests that what is occurring is too scary to speak about or that you do not know what is happening. With social media, radio, news, it is highly unlikely that children and teenagers have not heard something. Chances are your child has heard about it, too, even if only from other children at school. Children of all ages can also be very perceptive about tensions and fears among adults in their life.
According to research by child psychiatrists the most important thing parents can do when bad or scary things happen around them is to talk to their children. Sit down with your child. Tell them a really important thing is happening. Maybe they have already heard it on the news. Tell them you want to talk about it and you want them to share their feelings.
Ask what your child already knows. Start by asking what your child already has heard about events from the media and from friends. Listen carefully; try to figure out what he or she knows or believes. As your child explains, listen for misinformation, misconceptions, and underlying fears or concerns. Understand that this information will change as the situation unfolds.
Gently correct inaccurate information. If your child has inaccurate information or misconceptions, take time to provide the correct information in simple, clear, age-appropriate language.
Encourage your child to ask questions, and answer those questions directly. For example, your child may have questions about their own safety or whether they could be threatened at school or elsewhere. While it is important to discuss the risks, your child is also asking if he/she is safe. This may be a time to review plans the school/family has for keeping everyone safe. Let your child know that the government, police force, consulates, and school leaders are working to protect citizens and to provide the information families need to make decisions and stay safe. Like adults, children are better able to cope with a difficult situation when they have the facts about it. Having question-and-answer discussions gives your child ongoing support as he or she copes with the range of emotions stirred up by uncertainty and conflict.
Limit media exposure. Limit your child’s exposure to media images and sounds of conflict, and do not allow your very young children to see or hear any TV/radio violence-related messages. Even if they appear to be engrossed in play, children often are aware of what you are watching on TV or listening to on the radio. What may not be upsetting to an adult may be very upsetting and confusing for a child. Limit your own exposure as well. Adults may become more distressed with nonstop exposure to media coverage of violence. If your child has watched coverage, take a minute to turn off the television and ask the child what they think about what was seen. This also gives you an opportunity to discuss the events and gently correct misperceptions.
Understand common reactions. Children may have reactions to events that happen in their own community or a related community (such as another school). With uncertainty, they may have more problems paying attention and concentrating. They may become more irritable or defiant. Children and even teens may have trouble separating from caregivers, wanting to stay at home or close by them. It’s common for young people to feel anxious about what is happening, what may happen in the future, and how it will impact their lives. Their sleep and appetite routines may change. In general, monitor and provide extra reassurance. These reactions will lessen over time.
Be a positive role model. Consider sharing your feelings about political/conflict situations with your child, but at a level they can understand. You may express sadness and empathy for victims and their families. You may share some worry, but it is important to also share ideas for coping with the situation. When you speak of the positive responses that come from people helping and supporting victims or standing up to the perpetrators, you help your child see that there can be good, even in the midst of tragedy.
Be patient. In times of stress, children may have trouble with their behavior, concentration, and attention. While they may not openly ask for your guidance or support, they will want it. Both children and teens will need a little extra patience, care, and love in times of conflict. (Be patient with yourself, too!).
Seek extra help. Should reactions continue or at any point interfere with your child’s ability to function, or if you are worried, contact me, another counselor, or other support personnel to speak with you or your child.
Cindy Cleary
Elementary School Counselor
American School of Bombay
Article based on information written by Leonardo José Díaz and other counseling/psychological staff at the American School Foundation of Guadalajara, in response to the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting, December, 2012
The following are tips for how to support your children when there is a particular threat/event that impacts the ASB community or if they are reacting with anxiety about possible threats due to global events.
Start the conversation. If a particular event hits near home or is very rampant in the news, talk about it with your child, but only in language and details appropriate to their age. Not talking about it can make the situation more threatening in your child’s mind. Silence suggests that what is occurring is too scary to speak about or that you do not know what is happening. With social media, radio, news, it is highly unlikely that children and teenagers have not heard something. Chances are your child has heard about it, too, even if only from other children at school. Children of all ages can also be very perceptive about tensions and fears among adults in their life.
According to research by child psychiatrists the most important thing parents can do when bad or scary things happen around them is to talk to their children. Sit down with your child. Tell them a really important thing is happening. Maybe they have already heard it on the news. Tell them you want to talk about it and you want them to share their feelings.
Ask what your child already knows. Start by asking what your child already has heard about events from the media and from friends. Listen carefully; try to figure out what he or she knows or believes. As your child explains, listen for misinformation, misconceptions, and underlying fears or concerns. Understand that this information will change as the situation unfolds.
Gently correct inaccurate information. If your child has inaccurate information or misconceptions, take time to provide the correct information in simple, clear, age-appropriate language.
Encourage your child to ask questions, and answer those questions directly. For example, your child may have questions about their own safety or whether they could be threatened at school or elsewhere. While it is important to discuss the risks, your child is also asking if he/she is safe. This may be a time to review plans the school/family has for keeping everyone safe. Let your child know that the government, police force, consulates, and school leaders are working to protect citizens and to provide the information families need to make decisions and stay safe. Like adults, children are better able to cope with a difficult situation when they have the facts about it. Having question-and-answer discussions gives your child ongoing support as he or she copes with the range of emotions stirred up by uncertainty and conflict.
Limit media exposure. Limit your child’s exposure to media images and sounds of conflict, and do not allow your very young children to see or hear any TV/radio violence-related messages. Even if they appear to be engrossed in play, children often are aware of what you are watching on TV or listening to on the radio. What may not be upsetting to an adult may be very upsetting and confusing for a child. Limit your own exposure as well. Adults may become more distressed with nonstop exposure to media coverage of violence. If your child has watched coverage, take a minute to turn off the television and ask the child what they think about what was seen. This also gives you an opportunity to discuss the events and gently correct misperceptions.
Understand common reactions. Children may have reactions to events that happen in their own community or a related community (such as another school). With uncertainty, they may have more problems paying attention and concentrating. They may become more irritable or defiant. Children and even teens may have trouble separating from caregivers, wanting to stay at home or close by them. It’s common for young people to feel anxious about what is happening, what may happen in the future, and how it will impact their lives. Their sleep and appetite routines may change. In general, monitor and provide extra reassurance. These reactions will lessen over time.
Be a positive role model. Consider sharing your feelings about political/conflict situations with your child, but at a level they can understand. You may express sadness and empathy for victims and their families. You may share some worry, but it is important to also share ideas for coping with the situation. When you speak of the positive responses that come from people helping and supporting victims or standing up to the perpetrators, you help your child see that there can be good, even in the midst of tragedy.
Be patient. In times of stress, children may have trouble with their behavior, concentration, and attention. While they may not openly ask for your guidance or support, they will want it. Both children and teens will need a little extra patience, care, and love in times of conflict. (Be patient with yourself, too!).
Seek extra help. Should reactions continue or at any point interfere with your child’s ability to function, or if you are worried, contact me, another counselor, or other support personnel to speak with you or your child.
Cindy Cleary
Elementary School Counselor
American School of Bombay
Article based on information written by Leonardo José Díaz and other counseling/psychological staff at the American School Foundation of Guadalajara, in response to the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting, December, 2012